So Long, Charlie

It certainly looks as if the "decided schematic advantage" is finally on the way out. Notre Dame fans will rejoice and buffet owners in South Bend will all sleep a bit easier.

Personally, I'm of the opinion that regardless of what coach they ultimately get, Notre Dame football will continue to be what they've been for the last decade and a half now: mostly mediocre with a BCS bowl appearance every 5 - 6 years.

Their fans can - and will - continue to believe that God loves them more (though he must be really conflicted when they play Boston College, don't you think?) and that simply because they are Notre Dame, they have a right to play in the BCS Championship game very year.

Well believe away, fuckers. But before I end this, allow me to temper your enthusiasm with these two gems. Yeah, these coaches were so certain to lead you back to "glory" that books were written about them. LOL!

Happy Thanksgiving

Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Enjoy!

One Hell of a Good (Extended) Weekend

What a stellar 72-hour period we had from Friday night's tip-off of the Paradise Jam through its dramatic conclusion on Monday. Let's recap, shall we?

First and foremost, the Boilermakers retained possession of the Old Oaken Bucket. This is by no means a goal for Purdue football fans. Rather, it is an expectation. Purdue's worst football teams should beat Indiana's best football teams. 2009 represented neither of the aforementioned for either school. Thus, it was essentially a foregone conclusion that Purdue would win this game. Nevertheless, there is always a great deal of satisfaction in watching the final seconds tick off the clock at the end of that one. More on Purdue football in the coming days.

No less important was Purdue's claim to the Paradise Jam championship over Tennessee on Monday night. Wow, what a game that was. Unlike last season, when wins in games like this were elusive for the Boilers, they put it together, gutted out a win, and gave me an ulcer and a heart attack in the process. When Jujuan Johnson fouled out, I thought they were dead. Not sure if I was Bruce Pearl that I'd have been happy with my 6'9" forward jacking a 22' shot in the waning seconds, down only a point, but hey - intelligence counts just as much as athletic ability in sports. And fuck Bruce Pearl anyway. One last editorial comment: Just because you lost a parent to cancer doesn't make you exempt from being a punk and a thug. Just sayin'.

Now, on to the secondary pleasure points for the weekend...

How about the South Bend State University Cocksuckers' loss to UConn? LOL! Nice one! How long has UConn been in Division I (FCS) now? A quick Google search tells us they became Division I-A in football in 2000 and joined the Big East in 2002. Didn't realize it had been that long. Regardless, it's still hilarious that they won in South Bend. It'd be slightly more hilarious had we been able to beat the motherfuckers in West Lafayette back in September, but whatever. After they get thrashed at Stanford this weekend, we shouldn't have to look at fat fuck Charlie Weis and his snotty, runny nose in HD for a long, long time....maybe never again if we're lucky.

Lastly, how 'bout those Hoosiers?? Yeah, they pulled the big "Oh fer" in their Puerto Rico tournament. Traditional basketball powers Ole Miss, Boston University, and George Mason all got their turn at taking IU to the woodshed. Ah, the gift of Kelvin Sampson just keeps on giving.

The past few days really couldn't have been much better for Purdue fans. Hope you all enjoyed them as much as I did.

Big Ten Week 12

The sun sets, sadly, on Big Ten football this Saturday with a pre-Thanksgiving feast of rivalry games. I'm excited about the lineup, yet totally bummed that it's over and that we have to wait nine long months before fall camp starts and we get to do it again.

I went 4 - 2 last week, incorrectly picking Illinois to beat Northwestern and Purdue to beat Michigan State. My season-long record now stands at 52 - 22.

Here's what I'm calling for the final five of 2009:

Minnesota @ Iowa
The Hawkeyes have lost two straight and have quite possibly played themselves out of a BCS bowl. It's possible they'll still get one, and I haven't paid any attention to what the pundits are saying about it this week, so I could be all wet. They may historically bring a nice crowd with them wherever they go bowling, but I have to believe that their starting QB's questionable health combined with lackluster performances for the past three weeks might lead the BCS bowls to look elsewhere. Plus, let's face it, Iowa football just isn't sexy and isn't likely to draw a big TV audience. Minnesota has just sucked all year and that's a game I'm still pissed that Purdue lost. They needed a last minute FG to beat South Dakota State, for Christ's sake. I think Iowa will roll in this one. And "Iowa rolling" means they don't have to pull out a miracle in the last 60 seconds. Hawkeyes 27 Gophers 14

Wisconsin @ Northwestern
In other words, "Mediocre" @ "Poor." When people say the Big Ten sucks, this is what they're talking about. When these two teams come into the last game of the season and have a combined 9 - 5 conference record, it speaks poorly of the conference. As much as I'd like to see Northwestern beat UW (so their dickhead fans can eat one more shitburger this year), I don't see it. I don't think the Wildcats have the beef to sack up and stop Wisconsin's running game. I like the Badgers in a snoozer. UW 20 NU 10

Penn State @ Michigan State
I learned something watching Michigan State last Saturday. They're not as good as I thought they were. Their pass defense is porous and I frankly don't think their run 'D' is that much better. While we're at it, their offense did little to impress me. Had Purdue's horrific kick coverage not spotted them spectacular field position on every damn drive, I think Sparty only puts up about half of the 40 points they ultimately hung on Purdue. Penn State's offense isn't as good as Purdue's, but their defense is significantly better. I think JoePa hand delivers MSU an invitation to the Little Caesar's Pizza Bowl while the Lions set their sights on Florida for New Year's Day. Lions 24 Green 20

Ohio State @ Michigan
Has this game ever garnered less national attention? Not since last year, you say? Ha! Welcome to the Rich Rodriguez era, Michigan fans. Hope you're enjoying it as much as I am. Of course that's not to say I'm necessarily pulling for Ohio State in this one. I pretty much hate both these fucking teams, so I typically root against the team that has more to lose. And this year - and probably for the foreseeable future - that's gonna be Ohio State. Let me reiterate just to be clear. I'm not rooting for Michigan. I'm rooting against Ohio State. Subtle yet significant difference. Even with me bringing them all the bad karma I can summon, I think OSU walks in this one. Michigan is pathetic. Buckeyes 45 Michigan 24

Purdue @ Indiana
It's the 85th meeting for the Old Oaken Bucket this Saturday in Bloomington and the 112th meeting between the two teams overall. One of the qualifications for a rivalry is that both teams have to win the game from time to time. If you look back at the history of this game, it's pretty easy to see why Purdue considers Notre Dame a bigger rival (in football) than Indiana. The all-time series is 69-36 in Purdue's favor. There have been 6 ties. So, if things go as they should, the Boilermakers will notch win #70 in the series on Saturday. I'm sure Indiana hasn't forgotten the 62 - 10 beating they took last year in Joe Tiller's last game. It was the biggest margin of victory in the series since Purdue won 64 - 0 in 1893. Had the leather helmet even been invented in 1893? It's pretty simple on Saturday. If Purdue comes to play and plays to their capabilities, they'll win going away. I don't think IU's defense can stop the Boilermakers. If, on the other hand, Purdue fucks around and lets IU hang in it into the 4th quarter, it's gonna come down to the wire. Purdue hasn't necessarily fared well in those types of games, but they've fared better than Indiana. POTFH, baby. POTFH!!! Boilermakers 41 Chumps 28

Help me understand

Can somebody help me understand why the hell we're going to try the 9/11 terrorists in a civilian court? This decision, in my opinion, is seriously f-u-c-k-e-d on a lot of levels. Since this isn't going to go to a military court, one can only assume that these insane camel-jocks will get the same treatment you or I would get were we to land in court.

With that in mind, let's consider a few things.

1. Were these maniacs Mirandized at any point after their capture by the United States military? If not, is that not grounds for the case to be dismissed, just that fast?
2. Similarly, when President Fuck-off was recently asked if he could understand why some people were offended that Kaleid Sheikj Mohammed was going to get equal treatment as a US citizen, his response was (verbatim): "I don't think it will be offensive at all when he's convicted and when the death penalty is applied to him." I'm sure the defense attorneys won't ignore that. What legal bearing it could have on the case, I have no idea. But since the Attorney General made the decision to try him in civilian court in NYC, and the President followed that decision up with those comments, it shouldn't take Perry fucking Mason to make an argument about the President tainting the entire proceeding.
3. Hasn't our illustrious Prez already shared with the world his opinion that these guys were tortured by the military? We're on record that they were water-boarded, and Obama is on record saying he believes water-boarding is torture. Not too hard to connect those two dots and raise questions about the validity of their confessions is it? And by the way, I'd be in favor of water-boarding those motherfuckers on a recreational basis. Let the family members of all their victims administer to it on a voluntary basis if they want to. Tie 'em to the table, put the towel over their head - that part should be quite familiar to them - hand the family member a pitcher of water, and let 'em have it.
   
4. By putting these bastards on the stand - and you can expect them to demand from their attorneys the opportunity to testify - does anybody else not think they're just going to rally more psychos to their cause? In a circus trial that will make OJ Simpson's look like traffic court by comparison, one can only imagine the things that will be said and reported on around the world.
   
5. And here's the one that chaps my ass perhaps the most of all. Will the United States intelligence community be forced, under oath, by defense attorneys, to reveal how they obtained information? You gotta believe they'll be called upon. That's a solid fuckin' plan. Let's put the CIA, FBI, DHS, and anybody else who helps keep us all safe....put them on the stand and let them share with the entire world how they gather their intelligence information! This would be a real plus for national security.

So those are the things troubling me about all this, and I'm just Joe Schmo out here in fly-over country who took a 3 credit law class as an elective my senior year in college, 15 years ago. It's unlikely that I've begun to even scratch the surface of the issues this thing faces. And for what?!?! That's what I really want to know. Why? What's the big win in all this? Of course you know it's politically motivated, but for the life of me I can't figure it out.

Big Ten Week 11

Well, that figures. I publicly state my desire to nail a perfect week and what happens? I have my first losing week of the season. A sad, yet happy 2 - 4 record last week puts my full season slate at 48 - 20. I was really hoping to keep the loss column in the teens. Damn.

There are 11 Big Ten games left this season...at least ones I'm going to count here. Six are on tap this week and five next week (Illinois' bye week is next Saturday).

Without further ado...

South Dakota State @ Minnesota
Let me go ahead and answer my own question. Nobody gives a fuck. Minnesota 33 SDSU 13

Indiana @ Penn State
Like Purdue, Indiana has to win its last two games to get to six wins and make themselves eligible for a bowl. Their odds are slim, at best. The two teams have played 12 times in history and the Hoosiers are still looking for their first win vs. the Lions. I don't look for the 13th meeting to be a lucky one for them. If the talent disparity wasn't enough, it's Senior Day at Penn State and JoePa will be looking to send his seniors out in style. Penn State 35 Indiana 17

Michigan @ Wisconsin
Speaking of teams needing to win its last two games for bowl eligibility, here comes Michigan. Who else is thoroughly enjoying watching Michigan football suck? Yeah....that's what I thought. Pretty much everyone outside of Ann Arbor. Cockface Rich Rodriguez is unlikely to stir much sympathy for his squad and I certainly don't expect him to get much from the dickhead Wisconsin fans this Saturday in Madison. I'm still not convinced Wisconsin is all that good, but they'll be good enough this week. UM's defense is horrific and I think UW will be able to run them silly. Rodents from Madison 28 Rodents from Ann Arbor 21

Northwestern @ Illinois
A few weeks ago, I didn't think Illinois would win another game. A few weeks later and I'm going to pick them to win one. They looked reasonably respectable against Purdue, hammered Michigan in Champaign, then went on the road and won a game in Minneapolis. Northwestern got a big win in Iowa City last week but now has their top two QBs banged up. I like the Illini to win this one. Illini 21 NU 16

Iowa @ Ohio State
It was only a matter of time. Iowa squeaked out enough close wins that it should've been obvious they were living a charmed life. I have to admit, I was a believer. I thought they were gonna run the table and end up in the BCS championship game before ultimately getting destroyed. But no. Northwestern got the privilege of lubing up the Hawks and ass-fucking their BCS hopes. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure there was no lube involved. It was just a good old fashioned prison ream-job. Nothing like a home loss to Northwestern to end your BCS title chase. Ouch. Ohio State surprised me last week by winning in State College. Tomorrow's winner is pretty much a lock for the Rose Bowl and I think Sweater Vest and the boys will bring it home without much trouble. Bucks 27 Iowa 10

Michigan State @ Purdue
Purdue continued its enigmatic season with a big win in Ann Arbor last week. Michigan State had what amounted to a bye, playing Western Michigan. Frankly, I don't know what to expect from either of these teams. Saying shit like, "If Purdue doesn't turn it over, they'll win," despite being true, is becoming cliche. So let's just cut to the chase. Boilers win a tight one. Purdue 28 Michigan State 27

The best soccer game ever played...

If shit like this happened more often, I might actually tune in and watch 30 seconds of soccer here and there. Of course, I'm sure the "soccer world" is outraged and wants to protect their completely pussified sport, so this kind of thing won't happen.....and I'll continue to not watch.